All a-Twitter

Although my blogging has fallen off dramatically this past year, that doesn't mean we don't have lots to say about Sabrina and Stevie. At this point we are more likely to post a ridiculous occurance or silly comment on Twitter or Facebook just because it's so quick and easy.

If you are on Twitter, I am @Token0978 and Kev is @kevalbert if you'd like to follow us. For those of you who are not on Twitter, here are some highlights about the kids from the last six months.

June 2011

J: Me: Sabrina, Get out of daddy's closet. Sabrina: I'm the PANTS! #kidsarestrange

J: Sabrina: What's this song? Kev: Enter Sandman. Do you like it? S: Um, no. Can we listen to the Popcorn Song instead? #madedadsad

K: Sabrina: "[Your hair] is getting long, like girls' hair." Might be time for a haircut. #thetruthhurts

K: Walked into the living room & Sabrina is in my recliner. Sat on her. "Daddy please don't sit on me. I'm trying to relax" #harassingkidsisfun

July 2011

J: There are NOT enough kids’ shows about fireman robots. Someone should get on that. #typicalboy

J: I could yell FIRE and it would still take 20 minutes to get everyone out of the house. #mydadwasright

K: Even being only tangentially involved, I hate potty training. The racing around, visiting potties in public places. The misses. Such a pain

K: Dinner across the street and yet, we're 15 minutes late. Of course, we are.

K: To quote Sabrina: "STOP! Stop talking to me all day!" Apparently I am bothering her. #missionreciprocated

K: Stevie, pretending to be a dog, was fetching things for Sabrina. I had him get my slippers from upstairs. Feel bad or exploit some more?

K: Things Stevie's fetched so far: several toys, 2 remotes, my slippers, Sabrina's water cup, my blackberry. Things licked: me

K: At the end of birthday party number #2, Stevie asked why weren't going to a 3rd birthday party and was not happy with our answer.

K: My favorite Stevie-ism right now is his goto response to a question: "Because I don't know."

K: My least favorite Sabrina-ism is, "You ruined my life." It seems like she's going to be lucky if I let her live to adulthood.

K: Playground Axiom: With 2 kids swinging & needing pushes, there is a 100% chance that they will choose the 2 swings farthest from each other

August 2011

K: Overheard in our house this AM: "I want to wear sandals because it's a little bit summer" & "You have a sad dirty face. Like a monster"

K: From the girl's room (being forced to nap prior to going the beach): "This is the longest nap ever!!"

K: So Jess kills more phones than cancer. Actually, I don't know how many cancers she's killed but I doubt it's more than 3 phones

[Author's Note: I killed my new iPhone when I dove into the water to rescue Sabrina. Pretty sure it was worth it]

K: Once my daughter misheared @hunterpence3's name as "Underpants." Now both my wife & daughter call him that & giggle. Only one of them is 4

[A/N: *giggle*]

K: From Sabrina last night during a particularly difficult bedtime routine: "Everyone is nice except for you and Mommy" #successfulparenting

K: We're watching the Dora's Explorer Girls movie. Upon seeing a flashback of young Dora, Sabrina declared "Look! That's the real Dora"

K: Stevie, building a puzzle: "Little help please." Me: "Coming" Stevie: "No. I was asking Brina" #blowtotheego

K: The answer to the question "Do you want to smell my hands?" will ALWAYS be no.

[A/N: Part of potty training. Stevie loves that different soaps have different smells and doesn't understand why we aren't as excited as he is]

J: While I appreciate that their independence will serve them well in adulthood, I'd REALLY appreciate some obedience now. #childrenforsale

J: Annoying my kids first thing in the morning is not just my right, it's my responsibility. #simplejoys

J: What does O-U-T spell? Sabrina: stop it. Me: No it spells "out". What does O-U-T spell? S: Mom, STOP IT!!! #mykidcantspell

J: Yep, I just made up a song about underpants. Why, what have you done today? #momsareweird

J: I hate getting a song stuck in my head that's in a language I don't know. I can't even pretend to sing along! #stupidDora

J: According to the girl, BEST DAY EVER!!! #solomonsisland

J: Sabrina started a story with "back in the olden times" when referring to my life before her #egoblow

J: If everyone is unhappy, I must be doing my job right. #catch-22

J: Me: How'd I get such wonderful kids!? Sabrina: We were babies, then we grew up! #touche

K: Kev to Stevie: "Come on, don't be a punk." Sabrina: "Yeah! Don't be a pumpkin."

J: New house motto: Don't be a pumpkin!

J: The kids are "hiding were you'll never find us"... how long before they realize that I'm not looking?

J: In the event of a power outage, someone should invent a generator powered by a child-sized hamster wheel. #Irene #twobirdswithonestone

J: Learning that my husband is not the kind of parent to throw a game against his children. #soreloser?

J: When a kiss doesn't cure a boo-boo, threat of amputation will. #parenting

September 2011

K: Art project. No fighting. Pleases & thank yous. Not sure why Jess finds these hard. Maybe she's not doing it right

J: @kevalbert the first hour is easy. Talk to me if you ever get to hour ten #biteme

J: Mutual fear of the vacuum makes housecleaning a bonding experience for kids #parenting #stopfighting

K: According to Jess, you don't clean your sister. Stevie disagrees.

K: My Dad: Is that going to destroy the furniture (referring to a toy)? Me: The boy? Yes he is, stick by stick. #choosetheformofthedestructor

K: To quote Sabrina: "You've caused enough trouble... GUITAR" #kidsarestrange

K: Sabrina describing school today: "Show and Tell was awesome. It's like the Best Thing Ever!" #minime

October 2011

J: "There's a tie. That means Daddy's here" Sabrina as we waited to pick Kev up from the metro. #daddyslittlegirl

K: Took the kids to see the Lion King. Sabrina loved the singing but wanted Simba's dad to come back. Stevie liked it but thought it was scary

K: Sabrina: "I liked it when Simba's dad came back in the clouds." #lionking

K: Sabrina cried when Mustapha died. She was very cute. Took my and Jess' hands.

K: Stevie made 3 towers. The Daddy, the Sabrina & the Stevie. Mommy "didn't have enough blocks"

[A/N: Good summation of my mental state]

K: It's hard to be mad at Sabrina when she came out of her room after being tucked in to come down stairs & yell "Go Phillies!" one more time

K: To quote Jess, "Do not use hugging as a weapon" #kidsarestrange

J: There was a huge boom. By way of tattling, the girl came to me, stretched out her arm and silently pointed towards the boy. #parenting #narc

J: I picked out my wedding dress in less time than it takes my son to pick out a lollipop. #parenting

K: The kids made it 52 minutes through the service. I count that as a win. #batmitzvah

J: It seems that 3 cars equals 4 dinosaurs in kid math. Either that or Stevie just made a great deal.

J: Kev to Sabrina: You're very cute. Sabrina: And I'm smart! Kev: And modest.

J: New house motto: I cannot give you what I do not have. #repeatingmyself #parenting

J: Addendum to new house motto: No! I will not go to the store. #repeatingmyself #parenting

J: There is not enough rum in the world to ease parenting tonight. #GOTOBED!

J: A child's favorite spot to stop is the one right inside the door or right at the top of the stairs. #dropoff #parenting

J: Little boys must be allergic to underwear considering the daily fight its become. #thisibelieve

J: Stevie: why are we not good? Me: I. Don't. Know.

J: I hate glitter. That is all.

J: Camouflage boots? Check. Buzz Lightyear wings? Check. Complete lack of pants or underwear? Check. #kidsarestrange

J: From the girl: "Candyland is the BEST Land EVER!" Suck it Iceland.

J: All family vehicles should be required to include the sound-proof barrier that limos have #parenting #myearsarebleeding

J: Mis-matched socks are the new black. #parenthood

November 2011

J: The boy to his daddy: "You are MY iPhone!" #catsinthecradle

K: If cause of death is "bludgeoning due to singing at a high volume 6in from ur head," you'll get off its your kid, right? Asking for a friend

K: AM duty. Kids wanted sandwiches for breakfast. I give Sabrina hers & she tells me that Jess makes the best sandwiches #thetruthhurts

K: Taking the kids to Open Gym to let them expend some energy. Which is like diffusing a bomb with a bigger bomb. Total annihilation.

K: Sabrina: "Want to hear a song I made up? I sing it loudly!" How am I supposed to respond to that without inflicting emotional scars?

J: Dear Nursery Teachers--Thanks for teaching my kids that a paper bag full of bird seed is really reindeer food.

J: Dear Self--Next time one of your children exclaims "OOPS, I made a hole in the bag!" don't finish what you are doing, get up and see what's going on.

J: Dear Carpet--I'm sorry.

J: One parent's sarcasm is another parent's positive reinforcement. #doingmybest

J: Playing dead is a valid method of parenting at 5 a.m.

J: When your child is entertaining herself by incessantly counting from 1 to 100, DO NOT ask her about no. 101! #nopeace

J: The boy asked me if I could call Santa on his iPhone. I told him I didn't have the number but I'd e-mail. He seemed satisfied. #modernxmas

December 2011

J: Almost abandoned both kids at Ikea. I really could've just walked away and out the door. Still don't know if I made the right choice. And it's only the first day of winter break.

J: "Mom, why are there so many One Way signs on Earth?" as we drive through D.C. #goodquestion

K: It's probably hypocritical being a Jew but I've been threatening Santa skipping our house if the kids don't listen, eat, go to bed, etc

[A/N: He used this threat more than I did!]

K: Jake and the Neverland Pirates are celebrating "Winter Treasure Day." Finally someone calls it what it is

K: You know what's pretty annoying, "Daddy, Daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy, DADDY!!" "Yes" "Mice are faster than bunnies" "Um, Ok"

K: The kids slept in until 7:30AM. It's a Christmas miracle!

K: Sabrina's singing:Rudolph the red-nosed Stevie. Had a very shiny Stevie.&if you ever saw it..#replaceawordofasongwithStevie ThanksJess

K: Playing Candyland w/ Sabrina. Got the ice cream so I got to jump way ahead. Sabrina: You're really good at this game

January 2012

K: Both kids slept in until 8:10AM. It's a New Year's miracle.

J: BACK TO SCHOOL DAY!!!!! #longestbreakever

K: is glad that turned out to be chocolate on my leg. Now to figure out why there was a pop tart on the floor #kidsarestrange

K: When it takes two college educated adults to assemble a kid's toy, I think you need to adjust the 6+ designation #engineeringdegreerequired

K: My son was typing on a pocket calculator. I asked him what he was doing. He shushed me and said, "I'm working" #catsinthecradle

J: The boy was running through the house yelling "I FOUND JESUS". Turns out they were playing hide-and-seek with the Little People Nativity set

K: My son did a super selfish act disguised as a sweet gesture. I was sitting on the couch being cold. He is under a small thin blanket.

K: At the same time, my daughter is playing under a big comfy quilt. She finishes with it & my wife is about to cover me with it.

K: Instead my son announces that he is giving me his blanket &begins to tuck me in. Once done, he immediately asks his mom for the quilt because he's cold.

K: I totally got screwed out of the big quilt! What a little stinker!

J: Using a puppet to explain to the kids exactly how much they were annoying me actually undermined the point I was trying to make. #gofigure

K: Stevie has been referring to today as "Martian Luther King Day". It makes me laugh every time.

Is there a Doctor in the House?

I love our pediatrician, Dr. Cliff. For many reasons, but this week it's because his staff never has a problem scheduling double appointments for the kids.

Yes, folks, it's annual check-up time again--for a 5 year old and a 3 year old! I am routinely shocked by how old they are.

Sabrina's Vitals

Height: 43" (60th percentile)
Weight: 45lbs. (79th percentile)

Stephen's Vitals

Height: 39" (73rd percentile)
Weight: 36lbs. (94th percentile)

Dr. Cliff was pleased with their growth, health, and development. He said they were both doing amazingly and that we are doing a good job with them. As a parent there's a lot of time spent fighting/disciplining/worrying/analyzing and very little day-to-day positive outside feedback. I know he only sees the kids for a few minutes a couple of times a year and that he probably says that to most everyone, but it's still really nice to hear.

Dr. Cliff's office runs very efficiently, but we still had a bit of wait time in the exam room. The building was a little chilly, so the PA gave the kids paper robes to wear. Funnest! Things! EVER!

First, the kids pretended they were wearing fancy gowns to a ball.

Then, after the shoulders got ripped apart, the robes transformed into grass skirts and the kids hula danced around the room.

Finally, the robes were pulled from around the waist to around the neck and the kids became super-heroes! (Sabrina declined to pose for the picture b/c she thought I might be making fun of them at this point---I could barely breathe for laughing so hard!)

Needless to say, the robes were in tatters and had been thrown away by the time Dr. Cliff came into the room.

The only other item of note was that Sabrina had an ear infection and we were prescribed penicillin (as we had been every other time).

A full week later, Sabrina woke up covered in red dots. For some reason, her body decided it did not like penicillin and is now allergic. Not the end of the world, but she was pretty pathetic for a few days until the spots went away.

It could've been worse, of course. It could've been a peanut allergy which, since the kids eat pb&j for lunch almost every day, would've meant starvation!

Fruit Wonders

On Friday, we went with Sabrina and Stevie's nursery school to see a puppet show with Bob Brown (he's worked for Mr. Rogers and Sesame Street) at the Discovery Theater. It was a blast. Lots of puppets doing silly things and taking pratfalls...perfect for the audience.

Today, Sabrina decided to try her hand at puppeteering. She invited me to a special private show which she dubbed "FRUIT WONDERS!"

Pillow cushions were the curtains and plastic fruit were the actors. Sabrina (and Stevie) were the puppet masters. The stories seem to center around the fruits doing various acrobatics, but it didn't really matter.

Now is the time in Fruit Wonders when we dance!

Stevie: "I'm dancing backwards!"

Don't be fooled, this was only 15 minutes of a loooooonnngg afternoon. But it's these kind of 15 minutes that make it so worth it.

The First Friends Birthday Party

So I tried. I really did.

This year was the first year we were forced to let Sabrina have a special "friends" birthday party (after her school cupcakes, Thanksgiving Albert birthday, and Thanksgiving II Sebald birthday). I tried to have the easiest, mellowest, low-key birthday party ever. Turns out that when kids are involved, low-key just doesn't exist.

In planning with Sabrina, we decided on a PAJAMA PARTY with pizza, popcorn, cake and a movie. Easy. We invited five kids from three families: Ben, Maddie, Miriam and Cassie (who we went to Solomon's with last summer) and Sabrina's One True Love, Finian. Not a huge crowd.

It started off orderly.

This party had been rescheduled because Sabrina was sick on the original date, so we made concessions to get it in before the new year. Anna, Kev and I managed on our own as the other three dads and two moms had to (legitimately?) work.

After pizza it was MOVIE TIME. A screening of Disney's Robin Hood and popcorn.

Aren't they darling?

It didn't last.

The group got restless a short way into the movie. The kids formed into ever-changing packs that raced between the bedrooms upstairs and the toys in the basement. Miriam stayed in the living room, trying to watch the movie through all of the madness. No one was being bad, but the craziness definitely ramped up.

It was only a two hour party, so cake time came thankfully quickly.

Sabrina had a great time, the kids all left uninjured and popcorn crumbs were easily vacuumed -- I rate it a success!

In fact, I'm already looking ahead to next year...and researching places outside our home to host the crazy festivities.

A Whole Hand Old

Whooosh!! Did you feel that? Time just skipped ahead by almost two months! Who knew that time travel was a neglected blog??

Somehow it's the end of November and Sabrina is five years old. FIVE YEARS! It's such a milestone age and seems to me to signal the end of her fledgling years and on to her life as an independent person in her own right. I know that she's not leaving for college tomorrow and that she's exactly the same as she was yesterday, but I still can't help feeling a bit melancholy.

Sabrina's conquering her second year of nursery school as one of the "big kids" and is eagerly anticipating kindergarten next year. She's still a beginning reader, but it's finally 'clicking' and she is delighted with each new thing she reads. She can write her name and the alphabet and is confidently writing new words as soon as she learns how to spell them. Why can't we all keep this sponge-like ability to absorb knowledge in adulthood? I'd love to learn so much more about so much more, but my brain is old and stuck.

Sabrina still creates elaborate, imaginary worlds for her toys, still LOVES princesses, glitter, rainbows, PINK, unicorns and any other girly-girl stereotype you can think of (*sigh*), and still believes she's going to marry Finn someday. Now, though, she also wants to be a doctor when she grows up, doesn't cry every time she gets dirty, and loves starting conversations with random strangers (again, *sigh*).

My mother's wisdom has always been to raise kids you genuinely like as people. In that measure we have been incredibly successful. Sabrina is fun, funny, imaginative and kind. She's smart and perceptive and asks way too many questions without simply taking "because I said so" as an answer. She's idolized by her brother, adored by her father and--best of all for me--a person I truly like as well as love.